Monday, February 17, 2014

week 2 we go.

so over the last 8 days since i posted, a whole lot has been going down.  and it's 5 in the morning on day 1 of treatment, so i'm going to try and summarize as best i can.  my mind is on fire right now.  my insides are churning.  i am nervous and scared as all get out.  i'm also super positive, because i have a family who is behind me 200% who is giving me the strength to take the necessary steps through this process, i have a million prayer warriors out there (thank you all!), and i have my mind and my heart telling me i can't be anything but positive.  no choice.

so here's week 2 in bullets and photos.

*i have consciously made more of an effort to be present with my family.  a friend suggested turning off the text message bing on my phone, and holy crumb, did that ever make a difference in my stress level.  if i didn't know a text was there, it wasn't on my mind to check it.  i could put away my phone, be with my girls and my husband and found myself a bit less stressed.  i'm leaving it off.  

*i continued to be gifted so many amazing things this week. 2 friends from work spent their sunday cooking from the thyca cookbook of foods i can eat and brought the mother load of meals and treats to work on monday.  and it was so helpful.  i was gung ho week 1 to make so much, and week 2 just started getting repetitive and with less energy.  they boosted me back up.  black bean dip, tomato sauce, walnut milk, blueberry muffins and cookies.  i also received and a basket packed with things to keep me occupied from the teachers at crosby's preschool, and so many snail mail cards that kept me smiling.  so truly amazing.

*i remained an ice box, sleeping often times in my hat and hooded sweatshirt, fleece socks and pants.  my body was tired not to the point that my heavy eyes were closing, but that i felt like i was walking through sludge.  i found i had difficulty holding my pen and writing.  i had tingly fingers and hands and the dryness, holy guacamole.  i couldn't bathe myself in enough lotion to keep my hands from becoming over dry.  

*crosby so nicely followed up her sister's strep throat the week before with a 24 hour tummy bug this week.  luckily she only threw up 5 times in 2 hours and then was done.  but we kept her home wednesday and i stayed right with her.  so i lost a sick day for myself, oh well.  i had just heard a quote only a day before that reminded me...when i doubt, choose your children and family.  there will always be time for work.

*we skyped with my sister and her family a whole lot.  the morning i was off with crosby, we face timed for close to 2 hours.  drinking our coffee together, cooking soup together, deciding which etsy items to order, planning the time when she would be back home.  i miss her so much, and i cannot wait until they're home in april.

*i took the first step in this process last thursday by getting my blood test to check my thyroid levels. and they gave me my frequent blood draw card.  my lab apparently is a standing order, so now i just have to show my card each time i come in.  i asked if there was anything i received after 10 visits.  nope, just another draw.

*so the food...this week was definitely more of a groove.  i had less cravings for things i ate before, but it was still tough to remember i can't eat cheese and dairy and bread and have to check for salt and iodine in everything.  i had three events i attended that i needed to bring my homemade food too.  one at school, one family party and one mama night.  and i realized how difficult this would be to do if i had to do it all the time.  double checking the host for the ingredients in everything, making sure no butter or salt was added.  it was tough.  and those brownies and cakes and ice cream that just sat there staring me in the face.  if it was any other diet by my own conscious doing, i likely would have caved just a bit, but knowing the reason that i had to stay on this course, i kept at it and felt amazingly powerful.  i enjoyed my fruits and veggies.

*i met with mama friends for our monthly book club to discuss a surprisingly very timely novel, the fault in our stars, which just so happens to be about a 16-year-old diagnosed with stage 4 thyroid cancer that metastasized to her lungs and the love story that ensued from a support group.  before choosing it, my friend, megan, who hosted, check and double checked and triple checked that i was ok with reading this book.  and i was.  and i'm so glad i read it.  it turned out to be so much beyond the cancer to an amazing young love story.  if you have not read it, run to your library or book store.  and the discussion that resulted around the book was empowering and humbling and sad and happy and lovely.  this book club has been together for almost 4 years.  we've read so many words, and we've shared so much of our lives.  it is one of my favorite things and i look forward to sharing with these women monthly.  you can read how we started here.

*thursday afternoon, michael called me on his way home from work to tell me he hoped he would make it home.  apparently, his car lost power and it looks to be related to a transmission on her last leg.  after almost 10 years and 255k miles, we're surprised it has lasted this long.  he drives 100 miles a day to work, and we've maxed this car out.  yet we were hoping to pay my car off and get his through december and not have to look for a new car now.  but alas, things happen and it looks as though for his birthday this saturday, i am gifting him a new car.  i can't get upset about it.  it's just what happens.  luckily, i will be off the driving grid for a few weeks and he has my car to use, allowing us time to look and purchase one, leaving his car idle in the driveway.  in that sense, it happened at the perfect time.

*i had read somewhere a while ago that people who have passed on leave signs for those still living that they are with them, that all will be well.  one of those signs that stuck in my head was a feather.  my uncle passed away in 2010 (read about it here and here.) my uncle's birthday was tuesday, the day crosby got sick at school.  i got that call that she threw up and went to my office to pack my stuff and call my mom.  i lost it.  it was too much and i couldn't take anymore.  she had gone to church that morning and told me she sent a whole lot of prayers up to uncle john.  i took my bags to preschool, checked in to make sure crosby was ok, and left her with her teachers to start the car and put all the bags in the trunk.  as i slid in the driver seat to move the car closer to the building, i saw it.  a feather.  sitting right on my seat.  right away, my mind went to uncle john and my grandparents living beyond this life and i knew they were with us making sure all was well.  i proceeded to find 2 more feathers that week, whose reason for being could likely be explained, but happened to find themselves right where i needed them to be.

*we celebrated valentines day, and did it up big.  heart day is my most favorite holiday and it deserves it's own post, which it will get this week.  but either way, here are my little loves at our annual valentines day photo shoot.

*michael and i watched a beautiful movie friday night called about time.  it spoke volumes about savoring every day, finding the beauty in all that we're dealt and the reasoning behind it even if it's not what you want to happen, even if its tragic.  it's right where i am right now.  i highly suggest it.

*this weekend, i said yes a lot, we spent a ton of time face-to-face with the girls and taking them to sesame street live and the lego movie.  we made shrinky dinks.  we played games.  we snuggled just because.  we gave in to popsicles for breakfast, chocolate with snack, cookies at lunch.  we whipped up homemade body butter.  we drank coffee with homemade almond milk.  we made minestrone soup.  we read books.  we built legos and played with characters.  we played dress up.  we practiced sight words.  we answered questions and more questions.  we talked about this week.  we laughed and we loved and we soaked up family time.

and now, i'm nervous.  closing this post means i head off to get ready for my 8 am appointment.  updates to come.  stick around.  here we go.


The Baileys : ) said...

Wow, what a wonderful fun and full weekend...thank you for sharing such a raw and powerful post. Praying for you especially this morning before your appointment...for peave of mind and calmness of heart.

AJ said...

Waiting with you... Love from Pittsburgh. XOXO

Kellie said...

Love love love you. Hugs and prayers coming your way every day.