like a mack truck.

my doctor said it would happen.  it would take about 4 weeks post-surgery, after they had removed my entire thyroid, but i would begin to feel the effects.  the effects of not having this little organ in your body, the one that controls your entire being it seems like.  your metabolism.  your energy levels.  your alertness.  your temperature.  everything you basically need to function as a normal human being, much less a mom of 2 young kids, a full-time job and a full-time working husband.  i thought i was fine.  i was cruising along, and besides feeling pretty tuckered around 9 pm every night, after working and following our daily routine and agenda, including house pick up, lunch packing, preparing for the next day's events, which is totally normal, i was feeling pretty good.  nothing to complain about.  just mentally preparing for my 2 week low-iodine diet and my radiation therapy.

i've noticed a few things here and there that the doctor mentioned would be related to going hypothyroid.  tiny bit of weight gain.  bit of energy loss throughout the day.  girlie issues going on for way too long.  more chills here and there.  an occasional headache.  but overall i've been feeling pretty great.  until this morning.  i woke up early, planning to tiptoe downstairs in the 5:30 am darkness to finish up an item on my personal to-do list, only to walk out and find crosby lying on the floor in front of our door, kicking her legs, sucking her thumb, doing what else, i have no idea.  but since we transitioned her out of her crib 3 weeks ago, she thinks it's pretty cool being able to wander out of her room at the crack of dawn and meander to our bed to wreck havoc on any further shut eye we expected to get.  i scooped her up, placed her in our bed with michael, telling her that it was still too early and i would be right back after i let the dogs outside.  i snuck downstairs and turned on the coffee maker and my laptop.  the morning proceeded to get worse, and i won't go into details (ok i will) on how i was half-way through making (after giving in) 2 requested breakfasts for 2 whiny girls before i realized we had no eggs, how i had spilled coffee grounds on the newly vacuumed kitchen floor, how the dogs were pacing around ready to eat and their medicines needed halving, how that item on my to-do list still sat unfinished, how that cold i could feel coming on yesterday was becoming a little bit worse, how my coffee began to go cold and needed re-heating 3 different times, and how my husband had somehow managed to go back to sleep upstairs despite my stomping around and huffing and puffing (i still don't get how he can't read my mental signals! ha!)

we managed to recoup a bit of my crummy morning with accomplishing a few household tasks and listening to the girls giggle and play together.  but then, early afternoon, it hit me.  like a mack truck.  like a foul ball down the third base line that you didn't see coming.  i realized how exhausted i was all day.  i couldn't drink enough coffee to make a dent of a difference in my alertness.  i had to excuse myself for a late afternoon hour-and-a-half nap only to wake up and feel like i could have crashed again 5 minutes later.  i couldn't wear enough clothing, sit close enough to the fireplace, take a long enough bath and then a hot shower post-bath to get warm.  i think i've gone hypo.

i've been perusing the low-iodine cookbook that is housed for free on the thyca (thyroid cancer) website, preparing myself for tomorrow's big menu planning, shopping trip, food prep day to stock up on all things fresh, unprocessed, unpackaged, low-iodinized.  and i see those words pop up all over.  before you start becoming hypothyroid, prepare the basics and freeze.  you do not want to be making chicken stock while you are hypothyroid.  ...pulverize [your] own unsalted almonds into meal, but that sounds like work, which i wouldn't have wanted to do when i was super hypo. 

oh crumb.  ever the procrastinator, i guess i missed that memo earlier.  tomorrow, i will be preparing my pan full of roasted veggies, my boiled chicken boobs, my salt-free orange oat muffins, and my unsalted homemade peanut butter (to dip carrots!  apples!  unsalted matzo crackers!  cardboard!) while hypothyroid.  and i will be begging and pleading my family to help me.

i'm being callous.  this diet starts monday, and i really don't think it will be all that bad.  true, i can't have any dairy, iodized ingredients, store bought snacks and breads.  i have to plan ahead, as pre-packaged (i.e. convenient) snacks and meals are a no-no.  i will be substituting a lot, but i'm not looking at this with spite.  and i know it is meant for the best, to allow the radiation to work to its full and best potential.  and i am so glad that i have this little space to put my thoughts out there.  i know i'll need it.

until tomorrow, i'm out.  goodnight.

oh, but look what we did manage to accomplish!  and ahead of the game. harper's kindergarten valentines. check.