Thursday, February 20, 2014

18 days, plus or minus

what would you do if you were given a gift of 18 days?  as a parent, i often think of what i could accomplish if i were given a day or 2, even just an hour or 2, by myself.  but when it's forced upon you, and in order to get it you have to give up a thyroid and hear the word cancer, it's a completely different story.  i'm trying to find the positive in this time.  learning to love my individual me time.  but gosh, it is so tough.  i've skyped with the girls each morning and evening.  i get stories through michael and my mom, and pictures through emily, the preschool teacher, and maggie, the swim coach, and heidi, my friend and neighbor, who took care of harper on her snow day.  they realize that i need as much of my littles as i can soak up, since i can't be with them directly.  and i am so appreciative of that.  i cry tears when i see them, but i crave it.  knowing i can't be with them for 16 more days is killing me, and i see it affecting them a bit, too.  but i can't for good reason, and harper knows that.  she tells michael that i can't be home because then she and crosby would get sick.  and basically, she's right.  that's not a chance i'm willing to take.  so michael has started a countdown and the girls have a visual to know just how much longer until i can love them up close again.

and as of today, i have 17 days of that low-iodine diet behind me and said goodbye to it last night with cheese pizza after i took my first dose of synthroid yesterday, which is finally putting me on the road to recovery and being back to normal.  the diet wasn't horrible, but i'm for sure done.  thanks for working your magic, low iodine, but i've moved on.  that last day at home, i was scooping peanut butter from the jar and topping it with jelly.  i couldn't do the matzo anymore.

i thought a lot about that first meal and what i would choose to eat.  i didn't want to overdo it, being 2 weeks off of dairy and processed and all things not bland, but i couldn't help it.  i went for gusto.  and felt a bit of a stomach afterwards.  could also be due to the radioactive iodine working its magic.  or it could be slightly contributed to the amount of sourness i've been consuming.  my cousin's husband went through this 5 years ago, and the 2 of them have been such a help in helping me navigate through this process, through the diet, through the radioactive iodine process, through the first few days afterwards.  they sent me a huge box of sour goodies to give me some variety.

so today.  today was crappy.  there is no way to sugarcoat it.  there was no sunshine out my window.  there was snow, there was thunder, there was lightning, there was ice and rain and slippery roads, from what i hear.  and in my solitary confinement, there was a headache, an upset stomach, extreme tiredness, a sore neck and difficulty swallowing.  all dang day.  today sucked.  it sucked big time.  there was a lot of sleeping.  there was a bit of eating because i felt hungry, but then felt sick afterwards.  there were showers with tears because i missed my girls badly. 

but...i get to snuggle with them in some little way.  my brother and sister-in-law, chris and stephanie, went to build-a-bear last week and created mini versions of my family in bear form.  michael, with his hipster glasses.  harper, pretty in pink.  crosby, with her perpetual missing shirt.  and maximus, our golden retriever.  the gift tag said "being apart from your family, we decided to create the things you hold dearest in your life in a cuddly way."  it was an awesome gift and surprise, and these 4 have hung out with me all day, helping me feel at least a teeny bit better.  and bringing a smile to my face.

until tomorrow, good night.


Kellie said...

Sending you hugs, Emily. You are so brave, so strong.

Judy Theung said...

Emily - you are in my prayers each and every day. I want you to know my sister went through this 21 years ago! She is doing awesome. I love what Chris and Stephanie did for you. That is so cool. I would really like to see you sometime. Stay strong and God will carry you through. Love Judy