motherhood

it is mother's day, and i have had the luxury of being in bed all morning long.  i got to sleep in.  i was brought breakfast in bed by my love and my 2 littles.  and i've spent the morning lounging in warm, comfy sheets while setting up my new iphone 5, playing words with friends, going through pictures on my computer, deciding which blog post i should do first and which pictures need editing the most, reading books to crosby, sharing a laugh with harper, and being brought cups of coffee with unmeasured creamer by michael.  harper gave me her gifts this morning...gift cards to biggby coffee and dairy queen, so i can get coffee and ice cream whenever i want.  how heavenly and thoughtful is that?!

here's the thing...when i am allowed a huge space of time to do whatever i please, i get panicky.  what do i pick?  what if i can't get it all done?  what about the chores that sit idly by waiting for me to get back to them?  my mind races and i can't slow it down.  and the same thing is happening to me now.

i have so much i want to do.  blog.  scrapbook the girls first years before they slip away.  read the list of books sitting on my nightstand.  run.  yoga.  spin.  organize my house.  sell my house.  find another house.  sleep.  drink coffee.  nap.  and on and on and on...

i saw this quote on instagram today, and it spoke volumes to me.

motherhood is a choice you make everyday to put someone else's happiness and well-being ahead of your own; to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing, even when you're not sure what the right thing is...and to forgive yourself over and over again for doing everything wrong.   donna bell

i don't know if this time and space i'm given today is going to be productive and used wisely.  but i do know that when i emerge from this bedroom in just a bit, i will be a little more forgiving of myself for the things i am doing and the things i am not.  first and foremost, i am a mama and a wife.  and raising my children and loving my family with all of myself is the only thing that matters.  i need to forgive myself if i don't get it all done.  i need to learn to let some tasks go.  and i need to be ok with that. 

i also need to celebrate little self-accomplishments and enjoy the good.  like yesterday.  michael and i ran the color run for the 2nd year.  he literally dragged me out of the house.  i wasn't feeling the best.  it was cold and sprinkling, despite it being mid-may and having 70 and 80 degree weather during the week.  i had so much to do in the house.  our house selling is still in major limbo.  but we went, and we rocked it, and i am so proud of us.  michael hasn't run in months, i have been sporadic.  but we've been spinning like crazy, counting calories, have dropped over 30 pounds between the 2 of us, and we ran that entire 5k no problem.  i actually beat my best time by 3 whole minutes.  that was empowering.  

it boosted my mood, gave me a burst of happiness, and i will keep that with me despite what i accomplish in my solitude today.  

i am a mama, and i am so thankful.

happy mother's day to all the beautiful mamas out there. ♥