is that you, santa claus?

my girls were both a little leery of visiting santa this year.  harper just didn't want to go, and crosby didn't want to sit on his lap.  they both pondered what they would even tell him they wanted for christmas, even though they had both written out lists weeks ago with every detailed item that was desired.  but, in holiday tradition, we went.  i found a new santa location, without being in the mall and without being forced to purchase a photo package.  

harper knows there are santa helpers all around, and was convinced this wasn't the actual santa because his beard was too short.  either way, he was a great one.  he was able to convince crosby to get close by playing a musical wind-up watch.  it was a quick visit, enough to tell santa that harper wanted film for her polaroid camera and crosby wanted pj masks character toys.  santa was shocked that harper had a polaroid camera, and he had never heard of pj masks, so we knew that he wasn't the real one.  the real santa knows all.  but i tell the girls all the time that you just never know where santa is, when he's watching, and what magic he's tossing around.

 

i love this time of year.  it refreshes my soul, and puts me in the right place to just be mindful of all that we have.  the magic and wonder through our girls' eyes, the sparkly joy that lies around us everywhere, the beauty of giving to others.

a merry early christmas with lots of love to all.

weeks 20 & 21 and oh what a month!

first off, our 20 and 21 week fruit baby...

i don't really get the fruit measurements.  i mean to go from a banana at 20 weeks to a pomegranate at 21 doesn't make a ton of sense, but oh well.  it's fun for the girls to see something tangible and know how big the baby is.  it also makes it crazy for me to realize that this tiny little piece of fruit is floating around in my rather large belly.  i think i was just starting to wear maternity clothes with harper around 21 weeks or a little after, and now, this.

and finally, i am thankful it's december.  our month of november was less than stellar.  i attended 3 funerals- one for a young student of mine from school; another for the father of a very dear friend; and the third for a very young boy within our community who died of an inoperable brain tumor.  going to funerals is tough.  going to funerals for kids and parents of friends of mine who are still much too young is tougher.  going to 3 funerals in 4 weeks being revved up on pregnancy hormones has put me just a bit over the edge.  it was a lot to take in and process.  and i still don't feel i've processed it all.

on top of all of that, smack dab in the middle of the month on friday, the 13th, we had our big ultrasound.  everything looked good that day.  the technician did seem to be taking a few extra pictures of the heart, but i assumed it was just because the baby wasn't cooperating in that area.  and when we weren't escorted into the back room to wait and talk with the doctor right after the scans like we had to with crosby's ultrasound, i breathed a sigh of relief.  but, 5 days later when i met with my ob-gyn for my monthly appointment, she let me know that they did in fact find something worth mentioning in the area of the baby's heart. 2 eif- echogenic intracardiac foci- were located in the left ventricle.  they're basically bright white spots, a mineralization of calcium that causes some extra thickening and shows up on the ultrasound like a bone would.  she said it was a soft sign for a chromosomal abnormality, specifically trisomy 21, or Down's syndrome.  there was nothing anywhere else on the scan that lead them to believe it was any other chromosomal issue.  it took a bit to process that as well, but michael and i decided that we would do some further testing.  essentially, we consented to a blood test, where they would take a sample of my blood, send it to a lab in california and spin it for 5 days to pull out the fetal dna.  then the lab would examine that and piece the dna together to determine if there was any abmornalities.  it had a 98% accuracy rate, and would help ease our minds with what we might be encountering.  we completed the test the monday before thanksgiving, and were told it would take 7-14 days.  we tried to not focus on it, and instead enjoy the holidays, but it was there.  it was present.  and finally, last tuesday afternoon, i received a call from the nurse with the results, that all 3 trisomies that were looked at came back negative.  meaning that 98% chance that chromosomally speaking, everything with this baby is fine.  i hung up and cried a deep lose-your-breath cry for a weight i didn't realize i was carrying.  we have done a lot of praying, and we knew God was holding our hands.

after losing maximus in october, then with the funerals and the genetics testing, i don't think my weeping hormones have really had a break since.  i'm really hoping for a happy, restful, somewhat-calm-despite-being-the-crazy-holiday-season december to allow me some time to reset before panic sets in when i realize the babe is due in just about 4 months.  here we go with lots of bedroom shuffling and preparations to do!

our thanksgiving tree tradition

ever since i can remember, my family has driven out to the christmas tree farm the day after thanksgiving to cut down our tree.  this year, that friday brought miserable rainy weather, so we delayed it by a day.  that saturday morning, we bundled the kids up, and this year decided to ride in the wagon to the back of the farm to pick out our perfect pine.  we went a little bigger than 12 feet this year, just slightly taller than last year.  this has always been my favorite tradition, and the one i truly look forward to to get into the holiday spirit.  here is this year's tree hunt in photos.

a birthday + an appointment + an anniversary

friday the 13th for some can be superstitious.  it happened to fall this month november on maximus' birthday.  his first birthday celebrated without him here.  our routine is getting more back to normal, but there's still a piece that's missing, and i'm sure we'll always feel that way.  the girls still bring him up, crosby especially.  she likes to tell me what a good boy he was, and how we really miss him.  and how he's up in heaven with God.  just last week, while dropping harper off at catechism, we walked by a framed photo of the pope, and crosby said "is that who took maximus?"  such sweet innocence.  it brought both a smile and a tear.  we miss you, beautiful boy.  happy birthday up in heaven.  hope you're celebrating with lots of rolling in the grass, eating sticks and slurping up vanilla ice cream.

i decided to go with not being superstitious and instead to count on the luck of being maximus' birthday and scheduled our ultrasound for friday the 13th.  things went smoothly and we saw our beautiful little one.  its definitely more realistic once you see on screen everything there is to see.  the heart is fully developed, the legs and arms are moving all around, every organ perfectly intact.  truly God's miracle.  the girls joined in and while they bored quickly, they did really enjoy seeing the baby right up on the screen.  we've just hit our 19th week, the baby is the size of a mango, and the girls are getting more and more excited every day.

november 13th also marked 2 years since my cancer diagnosis.  i will truly never forget that day.  going in just to get the stitches out.  coming out with a whole new game plan and take on life.  we've come a long way since then, and look where we are now, on this beautiful friday, november 13th.  our happy + blessed little family of almost five!

for the birds

it's november 1st, and that means halloween 2015 is complete.  this was the third halloween in our new house, and the third year of chilly rain.  at least this year wasn't sleet and snow and heavy downpours like last year.  despite the chill, the girls had a great time riding in the car from house to house, running up the long driveways, and smiling for candy.

my favorite about this year was that both girls decided affirmatively what they wanted their costumes to be.  harper's favorite animal is a peacock, she had a peacock themed birthday party this year, so of course that meant she wanted to continue and dress up as a peacock.  crosby caught a glimpse of a new disney show that premiered mid-september, and decided right at that moment that she wanted to be owlette from pj masks.  of course that meant that no costume existed for a show that debuted a month before halloween, so mama to the rescue.  i don't know how to sew, so this meant a hot glue gun and a lot of glue sticks.  and because i was making crosby's, i decided to make harper's as well.  it was a bit of a stressor, but it was also fun and to see the happiness on their faces because their costumes were exactly what they wanted meant all that time was totally worth it.

harper's favorite candy this year was a king size hershey's bar.  crosby's was nerds.  mama and daddy like anything that's leftover in the bowl, which meant a ton since we didn't have many trick-or-treaters.

happy halloween!

fruit baby

here's what's been clicking on my camera the past several weeks, but i couldn't share until the big announcement.

our 7 week old blueberry (august 20), 2 weeks after finding out i was expecting, and the massive amounts of ice cream i wanted to inhale from minute 1.

our 8 week old raspberry (august 27)...

9 week old olive (september 3) and the empty martini glass i can't fill up...

10 week old prune (september 10)...

11 week old lime (september 17)...

12 week old plum (september 24)...

the boxes of saltines and cans of flat coke i've gone through in an attempt to keep the nausea and throwing up at bay.  nothing has helped...